FIFA guru Sepp Blatter is always amazed at the results that pop out from his Great Big World Cup Random Ball-Picking Generator. 

"Every four years I conduct this experiment and it always throws up mad results," says Sepp, chuckling strangely. And it's true - some of the big teams hardly ever meet each other at World Cup finals, whereas England will always play Germany or Argentina at some point. 

"Who would have thought that Brazil and Germany would never have met before in a World Cup until the 2002 final," laughs Sepp, nudging Franz Beckenbauer in the ribs. Although there are many permutations that could result from Sepp's Big Draw, he tries to make sure there are some constant factors. 

"There's got to be Pele and hopefully a pretty girl with big teeth floating about on stage." Fortunately, Sepp has a secret weapon - his Special Improbability Machine. 

"Hey, you idiot!" he starts shouting at Lothar Matthaus, who has come to help out. "I thought I told you to plug the microwave in. How is Pele supposed to know which balls to pull out?" And then he laughs again.