Sven Goran Eriksson doesn't believe in shouting or getting mad with his players. He is a practical man who instead utilises modern technology in order to take pressure off his players.

"A cousin of Tord Grip has developed telepathic mind power ear pieces which allow me to get inside the heads of the players and smash any attempt they might have for off-the-cuff creative things - which could, as everyone knows, lead to mistakes. Which leads to pressure. Pressure is not good."

Caution is an integral part of the modern game. England didn't achieve its hard-won record of respectable mediocrity in World Cups by being reckless.

"If we appear solid and capable but still get knocked out then everyone is happy and we can still be home by the end of Wimbledon (come on Tiger Tim! I hope his shoulder is OK). Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho have said they don't want their players getting too excited. If I get them all back in time fo pre-match training then I will be safe.

"If we do win the cup then the tabloids won't leave me alone. I will have to do things like DVD specials and lots of interviews. And my assistant Steve McClaren has intimated that such success will not be appreciated. That is too much pressure on him.