Leeds United have always enjoyed a low public approval rating. It's part of what makes them who they are. But once Ken Bates took over the club, public sympathy for the whites plummeted to an all time low - a number so small that only the world's most powerful electron micrsocopes could detect it.

For a while now this public approval rating could only bee seen in certain conditions. However, now that Dennis Wise has taken over as manager, this figure has reached such minuscule proportions that it has pretty much disappeared.

Experts are wondering at the logic. What was Bates playing at? Was he trying to manufacture the exertion of such huge forces on the club's approval rating that its public image was forced through a black hole?

Bates scoffs at the critics:

"I don't care that people hate us. Hatred is a valuable brand in the 21st Century. But that's not all. They are just jealous of our unique selling point. You see, I discovered some years ago that Leeds are probably the only big club in Europe you can write on a calculator - albeit one of those big models from the late 70s. Tap in the magic numbers 50337, then turn the calculator upside down. It spells LEEDS. Fans will soon learn that you can't get that sort of electronic adding machine amusement from Manchester United or Chelsea."